Last semester there were times when I felt overwhelmed by my life situation. We had intentionally become a one-car family to save money (as well as the stress of having a second used vehicle that could generate more risk for needing repairs), which left me at home for most of the day with three little, active boys. Even though we were on a law school budget, we still found ourselves eating out more when I was just too exhausted or busy to cook what I had planned on. Even though we had our own washer and dryer, the laundry just seemed to pile up in ways it hadn’t before.
And then one day it hit me – life wasn’t going to get any easier. Well, maybe it would when the boys wouldn’t be so needy one day, but for now, I couldn’t expect Michael’s workload or my boys’ needs to decrease. So there was only one solution: I needed to up my game. I couldn’t give myself a raise, but I could give myself a break by changing how I did things.
A commitment to constant improvement in how you do your job is often one of the secrets to success in business, but keeping house is often overlooked. We look at housework and keeping the domestic fires stoked a category where just good enough is good enough. But we rarely (at least I haven’t) sit down and ask, “How can I make this scenario better?”
“Why does that room constantly end up looking like a bomb went off?”
“What would it take for the laundry to get done? For me to not pull out my hair because the stains aren’t coming out like they used to?”
“How can I change things so that my responsibilities are easier to meet?”
Sometimes stopping and re-evaluating is the key to a smoother day. For me, I realized that while I loved intricate recipes, this time of my life required more freezer meals, soups, and crock pot meals. I needed to buy more of our groceries at the beginning of the month because it gave me more meals to chose from when things got hectic unexpectedly. I realized our laundry detergent didn’t work the same way here that it did in a different state, so I decided to buy the more expensive kind that was worth the increased stain-removal. I started training myself to sneak downstairs to fold as much laundry as I could while my husband played with the kids after dinner.
I also tried to be kinder to myself. Instead worrying that my kids were going to grow up feeling neglected and require years of therapy because I couldn’t get to everything, I told myself as I did each task to do as much as I could. And surprisingly, I often got more done than I had planned.
It’s not about perfection – just improvement.
How are you upping your game?
Oh, Jenni…. I just want to reach through my computer monitor and give you a great big giant hug. I haven’t experienced a long distance move and my kids are a bit older than yours but I have felt like in this pregnancy I am seriously just squeaking by… Oh did I mention my husband just went back to working graveyards too? So he’s good for nothing these days. ;) I soooo resonated with your post.
So, I have two things to add. I love my grandma’s saying, “We did the best we knew how and when we knew better, we did better.” First semester of law school, new city/state, new water in the washing machine ;) ~ you were doing your best. So proud of you that you have decided to take a fresh look at what you’re doing and trying to “do better.” I’m just at that place right now of trying to improve. Also……Do you know of/read Kat’s blog http://inspiredtoaction.com? Through that blog I found out about “Maximize Your Mornings” and am participating in it. I abso-posi-lutely ;) must wake up before my kids. For so long I have not, and it was a rush to get the day started — even when we weren’t going anywhere or doing anything in particular. At this point I am only getting up apx 45 minutes before the kids, but it is enough to do my CBS stuff for the day, get a jump start on finishing dishes/clean up from the night before, and maybe get a shower or get dressed. Even though i would like to have more time before they get up, I am not willing (yet) to adjust my going-to-bed time to allow for that. And so far that’s OK. I’m so much more calm (even when it’s all going to pot in the morning and everyone is screaming) that I believe there is hope for an even bigger impact as I really get settled into the routine and possibly start getting up even earlier.
Thanks for being honest and sharing ~ and letting me add in my two (or in this case five!) cents. :)
Thanks :). If there’s anyone who has a lot on their plate right now, it has to be you, though – I haven’t ruled out having four kids entirely, but I’m barely surviving with just three right now – I can’t imagine doing it with a husband working graveyard shifts too! I have heard of Maximize your Mornings. I used to be a solid morning person when I lived overseas. I just started getting up at 5 am until I got used to it, and it was great. But of course, I didn’t have kids. I’d love to get back into that habit again, but honestly it’s been so hard since #3 has been born because he’s just now starting to sleep long stretches through the night. And even then, the kids wake up at 6:15 or so and I don’t want to get up 45 minutes earlier than that. Maybe for now I will work on maximizing my evenings so that my mornings can be jumpstarted without having to get up too early. But yes, I’m definitely headed toward getting up earlier once N. starts sleeping regularly through the night. Also, I love your grandmother’s quote! I may just make a wall hanging out of it.
This blog post hit home for me in a few ways! I am a SAHM with a very busy part-time WAHJ and sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough. I will clean the house spotless only to walk into a room 20 minutes later and find that a bomb went off. It is discouraging at times.
I often feel like I am not doing enough but then I step back and realize I am doing enough. I help bring in extra money, I am there when my kids get home from school, they get dinner every night (not always a gourmet dinner lol). I am not supermom and I need to stop trying to be because in the end I am stressed and grumpy which rubs off on my children and husband. We are only one person and the title “MOM” doesn’t give us any super hero powers.
Agreed. I hope I didn’t make it sound like we should always be improving or that perfection is the goal. Sometimes enough is enough – I spent the last couple of days stressed out because I found my 10 month old playing with a box of staples and ended up taking him to get an X ray just to make sure he hadn’t swallowed any. I have picked up toys more times than I can count, vacuumed, etc. and still, I find things that the baby could have ingested and wonder, “What more can I do?” Today too I was trying to mix up a nutritious bowl of carrot and spinach puree, only to drop it on the floor and have it splatter EVERYWHERE – I think there is even some on my screen as I type. Oh well . . .;)